Not enough time to be perfect at everything

I tend to try to analyze my imperfections.  When it seems like I have analyzed one imperfection, paused, taken a moment to stop and reflect, the next imperfection is hitting me in the face.  What I mean by this is that I tend to analyze areas in my life where I'm not as perfect as can be, or things that I have done wrong, or areas where I've mistaken.  I analyze them, think about them and try to come up with ways on how to do better.

Just being good, is not good enough, I tell myself.  And so, I double my efforts, take care of myself less often, work harder, wake up earlier and try to do better. Analyzing imperfections is often my way of giving myself my own guilt trip, my own standard, my own understanding of what I did wrong.

But what ends up happening when I get in this vicious cycle, is just when I have one imperfection analyzed and thought out, the next imperfection comes skipping in.  In reality, I'm trying to be perfect at everything, and when I'm not, I consider that an imperfection.  And that's so wrong.  It's taken me a long time to comprehend this thought, but when we are not perfect, that does not by any means make us a failure....make an imperfection.  We don't have time to be perfect at everything. And we certainly don't have time to sit and analyze imperfections, trying every moment to make them better.  Like I said, it's taken me a long time to comprehend this thought, but it is a key revolution if you can train your mind to think about that. It will be a key point in your healing.

Imperfect moments

I think sometimes in my head I have these preconceived notions of how I think moments or events should or should not be.  I have already made judgment on how I think these events should go.

I tend to be a planner and I know that the perfectionist deep inside of me has tried to plan certain events to a 'T'.  However it's moments like this past Friday that really make me appreciative of imperfect moments, aka.. those moments that didn't go as planned.

Friday, we decided to take our boat out for the very first time.  It's maiden voyage was everything but perfect. It was up to the point that we had the boat, loaded on the trailer and hooked up to my hitch, that I realized I had forgotten to gas up the vehicle before we did all of that.  On top of that one of our trailer lights was not working.  So all in a 10 minutes span, I was unhooking the boat, and running to the gas station and getting a light bulb.  After that whole ordeal, we finally got out into the water. However on our way back we ended up killing the motor half way out on the lake, paddled for awhile until another boat came and rescued us and ended up being towed back to the dock. Once on the dock, my husband fell in the water. All in all with everything imperfect thing that happened, our kids turned to us and said "That was the best night ever!".  My jaw dropped. In my mind, my perfectly planned out night was a disaster, but in my child's mind, perfection.

I was silent.  It was amazing to me.

To hear those words, just made me think of all the moments that I tried to plan something out, or have a preconceived notion of how I wanted the event to go.  But really, I just needed to experience an imperfect moment, to then realize some of the best things are unplanned.  I have the choice to make any moments happy,  and I can choose to make imperfect moments, happy.

Just start

"Your success in life will be in direct proportion to what you do AFTER you do what you are expected to do."
----Brian Tracy


Now more than ever, put your perfection aside and just start.  Start what it is that you have been putting off because the timing was not perfect.  Start what you've been dreaming of but the perfect plan was not in place.

Now is your time.  Perfectionism does not need to get in the way.  Just start.

"You are enough"

I think so many times we end up getting sucked into perfection, because we have this feeling or belief that perfection will protect us.  Protect us from maybe what is the unknown, maybe it is known.  Protect us from judgment, blame, or maybe even shame.  If we are perfect, or live perfect, or act perfect, than we can minimize these feelings, or altogether avoid them.

I've been observing my 9 year daughter lately on this very subject.  I know that deep down inside she has this great sense of feeling worthy, feeling loved, belonging.  And I know this.  I see it and everyday I try to nurture this need of hers with as much love and kisses, affirmations and shower of emotion that I can possibly give her.  But even with that, I still see her striving for perfection, or getting mad when things have to be perfect.  I told her just the other day, that I don't ever expect her to be perfect, I won't ever pass judgment on her if she's not perfect, and she should never be shamed of who she is.

We all need to feel worthy of love and belonging, and our worthiness is on the line when we feel like we are never enough.

I told this to my daughter and want to repeat it here today, "You are enough". 

 

Growing everyday

Everyday I feel like I'm growing and learning from my perfectionism. It's certainly been a long process to be where I'm at today, but I know deep inside I'm growing.  I'm getting better. I'm healing.

The reason I know this, is that just the other week I spent latter part of a Friday afternoon planning a surprise trip for my husband's birthday.  I booked a hotel, planned out the entire day, found out what activities were open and where, made an appointment for while we there, I even went as far as creating a poem to surprise him with it.  I had planed what I call the "PERFECT VACATION!"  The only problem was I had done all of this planning  for a weekend that wasn't even free. It was the weekend that the kids were going to be gone.

Now, the reason I'm telling you all of this, is because I know, that even 10 months ago, I wouldn't have done anything like this.  Make a mistake that would have seemed so obvious.  But I did. I made a mistake, I'm not perfect. Move on I told myself.

And so I laughed out loud at myself.  HUH!  I said.  Oh well, I'll just call and change my reservations.  I didn't even get upset.  And that's when it hit me, that I'm healing.  You see, before, the perfectionist in me would have been torn down, beaten and defeated.  But not now.

My point is to let you know that you may be feeling these same feelings. Maybe it's you getting upset if you make a mistake, or book the wrong weekend.  The point is, you have to learn not to get upset.  Learn to let go. And yes my child, learn to grow everyday.