Growing everyday

Everyday I feel like I'm growing and learning from my perfectionism. It's certainly been a long process to be where I'm at today, but I know deep inside I'm growing.  I'm getting better. I'm healing.

The reason I know this, is that just the other week I spent latter part of a Friday afternoon planning a surprise trip for my husband's birthday.  I booked a hotel, planned out the entire day, found out what activities were open and where, made an appointment for while we there, I even went as far as creating a poem to surprise him with it.  I had planed what I call the "PERFECT VACATION!"  The only problem was I had done all of this planning  for a weekend that wasn't even free. It was the weekend that the kids were going to be gone.

Now, the reason I'm telling you all of this, is because I know, that even 10 months ago, I wouldn't have done anything like this.  Make a mistake that would have seemed so obvious.  But I did. I made a mistake, I'm not perfect. Move on I told myself.

And so I laughed out loud at myself.  HUH!  I said.  Oh well, I'll just call and change my reservations.  I didn't even get upset.  And that's when it hit me, that I'm healing.  You see, before, the perfectionist in me would have been torn down, beaten and defeated.  But not now.

My point is to let you know that you may be feeling these same feelings. Maybe it's you getting upset if you make a mistake, or book the wrong weekend.  The point is, you have to learn not to get upset.  Learn to let go. And yes my child, learn to grow everyday.

Stop being scared of the future

Have you ever been scared to take the next step in your progress of life? Scared to move forward because you are afraid of what might happen?  Scared about the future?  Why is it that so many times we have these feelings in our head about what's going to happen in the future.  For so long, I was scared to take the next step, scared to move forward, because what if it wasn't perfect?  What if it wasn't the perfect moment?

I think that we as individuals have to start living our life, living it not being scared of what could happen, but living it, so that we are happy with what is happening.  Right now.  It's hard though, I get it. When you want everything in control. You want everything to turn out just perfectly. You want life to just go by easily and if it's all perfect, than the better.  But life isn't all about that.  You don't have to be scared to take the next step, or worry about what's waiting on the other side.  Just live in the present. It's amazing the power of this statement and how much this has really helped me heal. 

Just be happy!

I think all women tend to beat themselves up a little bit if things don't work out just as planned.  I know for myself I have struggled with unreasonable expectations of both my life and myself. I get upset if some of those expectations don't work out. If only there was someone there every step of the way to teach us to be more accepting of ourselves, and just live life, even when things don't work out as planned, just think of how much happier we would be. 

I've been working on trying to not have those unrealistic expectations and just live.  If things work out as planned, than great, if not, than no worries.  I've been working on just living and being happy.


 

Control your Perfectionism

For many years I struggled with trying to control all of my external chaos. I would try to control my house, my kids, the way people did things around me, my work and even my life. To me, if I had control of all of those things, than I would feel good, feel accomplished.  On top of that I had put this extreme goal in my head that if all of that was done perfectly, than everything was even better.  

What I wasn't realizing was that this need to control was really about me.  It wasn't about the people I was trying to control or the things I was controlling.  It was about a need that I was trying to fill. Or perhaps a fear that I had that I didn't even realize I had.  What really was happening was that I was trying to control all of this external chaos in my world, when really I was trying to control my own internal chaos.

For me, I needed to find out what was driving my need for control and perfectionism.  I needed to find out what I was afraid of.  Ask yourself this:  "What are you afraid people will conclude about you if you aren't perfect?  What do you know about you that you think everybody would see, if you didn't keep up this image?"  Once you find these answers than you begin your journey to control these feelings, control your perfectionism.

Observing your perfectionism

An easy step you can take to overcome perfectionism is to observe yourself and recognize when your mind is desiring to do something perfect. I've noticed this takes a lot of patience with myself, but the key is to make a habit of noticing when it is that you feel most stressed out during the day due to perfectionism.

Once you recognize these thoughts and really observe what's going on during these moments, you can really get a grasp on what's triggering your perfection.  Whether it be cleaning your house, making a meal, planning a party or perhaps closing a deal at work, all of these situations can be pretty stressful to the perfectionist.  But the key is to observe when it is that really gets you frustrated, and make note of it.  The more you observe yourself and get a grip on when these moments occur, the more you learn.  You'll begin to see patterns and then you can take action on them. The point is, once you notice these patterns you can then start to control them and break free from them.

My advice is that you start writing down these moments.  Keep a journal.  Do whatever it takes to start observing when and where your perfectionism starts taking over your mind.