Control your Perfectionism

For many years I struggled with trying to control all of my external chaos. I would try to control my house, my kids, the way people did things around me, my work and even my life. To me, if I had control of all of those things, than I would feel good, feel accomplished.  On top of that I had put this extreme goal in my head that if all of that was done perfectly, than everything was even better.  

What I wasn't realizing was that this need to control was really about me.  It wasn't about the people I was trying to control or the things I was controlling.  It was about a need that I was trying to fill. Or perhaps a fear that I had that I didn't even realize I had.  What really was happening was that I was trying to control all of this external chaos in my world, when really I was trying to control my own internal chaos.

For me, I needed to find out what was driving my need for control and perfectionism.  I needed to find out what I was afraid of.  Ask yourself this:  "What are you afraid people will conclude about you if you aren't perfect?  What do you know about you that you think everybody would see, if you didn't keep up this image?"  Once you find these answers than you begin your journey to control these feelings, control your perfectionism.

Observing your perfectionism

An easy step you can take to overcome perfectionism is to observe yourself and recognize when your mind is desiring to do something perfect. I've noticed this takes a lot of patience with myself, but the key is to make a habit of noticing when it is that you feel most stressed out during the day due to perfectionism.

Once you recognize these thoughts and really observe what's going on during these moments, you can really get a grasp on what's triggering your perfection.  Whether it be cleaning your house, making a meal, planning a party or perhaps closing a deal at work, all of these situations can be pretty stressful to the perfectionist.  But the key is to observe when it is that really gets you frustrated, and make note of it.  The more you observe yourself and get a grip on when these moments occur, the more you learn.  You'll begin to see patterns and then you can take action on them. The point is, once you notice these patterns you can then start to control them and break free from them.

My advice is that you start writing down these moments.  Keep a journal.  Do whatever it takes to start observing when and where your perfectionism starts taking over your mind.

Take action against your Perfectionism

My husband yesterday wrote in his blog about having an action plan to achieve success.  Overcoming perfection most certainly needs that same type of action.  An action plan to set yourself free from perfectionism.  It's one thing to think about wanting to overcome this, but actually taking action to do it, is the key factor.  It does not matter how frustrated you have felt in the past, or how hopeless you feel right now.  You are now able to overcome the mental handcuff of perfectionism.

Here are the steps in my Action plan that is leading me to achieve success:

• Recognize the root of the perfectionist problem
• Apply mental strategies to overcome some of the fears that are underlying from this problem
• Practice this and work to reprogram your mind to stay perfectionist-free

I've talked several times about first realizing the problem.  It's really important to know what you are dealing with and recognizing what might actually be the root of your problem.

For me, it was the fear of failure, fear of losing control, and fear of not getting it right. What I've been able to do to help me overcome this, is to recognize the problem. Then, I've applied many mental strategies to help me heal.  Things like "I am good enough.  I am deserving enough.  It's ok if I lose control, and lastly, I'm not perfect." Going through a lot of these thoughts is helping me to overcome this fear of failure, and really helping to overcome perfection.

Once you have this clear picture of the problem, then you can take action against these traits.  The key is to reprogram your mind and control any triggers that may lead to this behaviour.