Failure to delegate

I think my mentality of "I can do it all" has influenced my tendency to mistrust that others can do things properly. With that mistrust, I sometimes fail to delegate even small tasks. I admit, I have trouble trusting others with a task unless I'm sure they can complete the task perfectly.

Take cleaning for example. I'd rather do it all and do it all by myself, then having others help, with fear that the house won't be cleaned to my standards. Even though my husband and children offer to help, in which they do, I feel this need to go back over things and make sure they were done correctly. This is a troublesome area in my life. I don't want to do it all. I don't have the time or mentality to clean my entire house by myself. I don't even enjoy doing the chores. But I am so reluctant to let others help in fear that these mundane tasks won't be done correctly to my standards. Why is this?

This is a huge area in my life where I'm having to figure out if this is a helpful or unhelpful standard that I have set for myself. This overly high standard is certainly not helpful and is getting in the way of me achieving my goals, living my life. I know that this is an area in which I have to think differently on this issue. There are too many benefits that would come if I could just relax or ignore this rule, this failure to delegate. What would it take for me to start delegating and trust others with tasks?

Don't try to read the minds of others

The other day we were sitting down at the dinner table eating when I found myself trying to read the minds of my family members.  Their silence was eating away at me and surely if they had liked the meal that I had just prepared, I thought for sure I would have heard positive comments by now. I indirectly tied their silence to some sort of failure of mine.  Their silence meant that I had failed.

This was not actually the case and they ended up loving it.  Their silence was just a mere moment of them enjoying their food (and not talking).

I think so many times, perfectionists try to read the minds of others. They almost in a way expect too much of others.  They associate other people's actions with themselves.  Perfectionist sometimes tend to think that other people's actions have something to do with themselves, or even their failures. This mind reading involves the perfectionist assuming that they know what other people are thinking.

I think realizing these relationships and really trying to stop this has helped me identify areas in which I need to work on.  I don't need to try to read the minds of others, I just need to concentrate on being the best I can be and not worry so much about what other people are thinking.

That moment you realize...

It's tough being a parent, I will be the first to admit.  But I also know it's just as tough being a kid. Today I was going through my 6th grader's backpack and found his empty wallet.  His wallet that once contained over $25 in cash and also a $25 gift card he got as a birthday present...completely empty.  I confronted my son and asked him what happened and why his wallet was empty and where everything went.  He confessed to me that he was bringing his wallet to school to buy stuff; pencils, small toys, supplies etc, from other kids.  Someone got wind of him having money at school and forced him to also give up his gift card.  Sad story, I know.  It's just one of those stories that kindof eats away at you, leaving you heart broken for a poor 6th grader who doesn't know better.

But the point of my story is this.  I think so many times as a perfectionist mom, I try to do the right thing, say the right thing, counsel the right away, and certainly discipline the right way.  But reality of this all is, is that life is not perfect.  I'm not always going to say the right thing or have things go the right way.  I'm not going to be perfect, and certainly, my son is not going to be perfect either.  Things are going to happen, mistakes are going to be made. 

But today, is the moment when my son texted me this morning, telling me he wanted to go home.  Go home because he felt guilty, go home because he was sad at what had happened, and go home because of how afraid he was that I was going to be mad.  It was that moment that I realized, nothing perfect was going to come out of this, so my mother instincts just came through. The best I can do is just be the best mom I can be today.   "Life is about learning, It's about making mistakes. Life is a learning game and we just have to move on and learn from it. Everything is going to be ok, and I'm not made at you. I love you. I'm just glad you are ok. It's all going to be ok."  That is what I texted back.

Life is definitely not perfect. That moment you realize that, and just allow yourself to accept the fact that mistakes are going to happen, is the moment we learn from it and just move on.

Learn to recognize perfectionism

I've talked about this before, but one of the first steps in overcoming perfectionism is to recognize those behaviors of perfectionism.  I think so many times we either mis-diagnose ourselves, or don't really understand all of the behaviors of perfectionism.  A lot of times these behaviors can be:

• overcompensating for errors
• over rehearsing for speeches, presentations
• excessive checking of work
• excessive reassuring of themselves
• excessive organizing
• failure to delegate

If you can say yes or check off any on this list, you can then begin to recognize the behavior patterns of perfectionism.  The reason it's so important to first recognize that is to be able to identify what it is you need to work on.  If you can relate to anything on that list then you can begin to correct it.

For instance I have a great need for organization.  I have list upon list, and if organization is not part of my daily life, I freak out.  Its gotten so bad that even my high standard I have set for myself with organization is so high, that it's impossible to even attain.  Recognizing that this is definitely an issue and inhibiting my life, I can then take action to correct that behavior. In areas of my life, I'm actually trying really hard not to be organized. It's not necessarily about changing the perfectionism as it is as changing the behavior.  I have to change my theory of this excessive need of control and once I can realize the unrealistic standard, then I can counter-correct my behavior and this need.  Its definitely not easy countering this behavior, but its one step in the right direction. 

Not enough?

Do you ever feel like you are not enough?  I know many times I've sat down and thought these exact words.  That everything I do, all that I give, somehow, I just don't feel like I'm enough.

I had the chance to watch Mom's Night Out this weekend, and if you haven't seen it, I certainly recommend it for any mom.  It touches on this very topic of being enough.  I think so many times we beat ourselves up on thinking that we are not enough, or somehow we are just destined to fail.  As a mom, that can certainly be the case, as a perfectionist mom, it reigns so often as true.

Jesus didn't make a mistake with us when he created us, he loves us for who we are.  And the only thing we have to be is enough for ourselves.  He'll take care of the rest.

Life is about finding the joy, the meaning, the purpose in all that life has to offer, even through all of the chaos.  So if you are questioning if you are enough, just like I do many times in my life, the answer is yes.  Yes, you are enough.  You are what God intended you to be.