Stop being scared of the future

Have you ever been scared to take the next step in your progress of life? Scared to move forward because you are afraid of what might happen?  Scared about the future?  Why is it that so many times we have these feelings in our head about what's going to happen in the future.  For so long, I was scared to take the next step, scared to move forward, because what if it wasn't perfect?  What if it wasn't the perfect moment?

I think that we as individuals have to start living our life, living it not being scared of what could happen, but living it, so that we are happy with what is happening.  Right now.  It's hard though, I get it. When you want everything in control. You want everything to turn out just perfectly. You want life to just go by easily and if it's all perfect, than the better.  But life isn't all about that.  You don't have to be scared to take the next step, or worry about what's waiting on the other side.  Just live in the present. It's amazing the power of this statement and how much this has really helped me heal. 

Just be happy!

I think all women tend to beat themselves up a little bit if things don't work out just as planned.  I know for myself I have struggled with unreasonable expectations of both my life and myself. I get upset if some of those expectations don't work out. If only there was someone there every step of the way to teach us to be more accepting of ourselves, and just live life, even when things don't work out as planned, just think of how much happier we would be. 

I've been working on trying to not have those unrealistic expectations and just live.  If things work out as planned, than great, if not, than no worries.  I've been working on just living and being happy.


 

Control your Perfectionism

For many years I struggled with trying to control all of my external chaos. I would try to control my house, my kids, the way people did things around me, my work and even my life. To me, if I had control of all of those things, than I would feel good, feel accomplished.  On top of that I had put this extreme goal in my head that if all of that was done perfectly, than everything was even better.  

What I wasn't realizing was that this need to control was really about me.  It wasn't about the people I was trying to control or the things I was controlling.  It was about a need that I was trying to fill. Or perhaps a fear that I had that I didn't even realize I had.  What really was happening was that I was trying to control all of this external chaos in my world, when really I was trying to control my own internal chaos.

For me, I needed to find out what was driving my need for control and perfectionism.  I needed to find out what I was afraid of.  Ask yourself this:  "What are you afraid people will conclude about you if you aren't perfect?  What do you know about you that you think everybody would see, if you didn't keep up this image?"  Once you find these answers than you begin your journey to control these feelings, control your perfectionism.

Observing your perfectionism

An easy step you can take to overcome perfectionism is to observe yourself and recognize when your mind is desiring to do something perfect. I've noticed this takes a lot of patience with myself, but the key is to make a habit of noticing when it is that you feel most stressed out during the day due to perfectionism.

Once you recognize these thoughts and really observe what's going on during these moments, you can really get a grasp on what's triggering your perfection.  Whether it be cleaning your house, making a meal, planning a party or perhaps closing a deal at work, all of these situations can be pretty stressful to the perfectionist.  But the key is to observe when it is that really gets you frustrated, and make note of it.  The more you observe yourself and get a grip on when these moments occur, the more you learn.  You'll begin to see patterns and then you can take action on them. The point is, once you notice these patterns you can then start to control them and break free from them.

My advice is that you start writing down these moments.  Keep a journal.  Do whatever it takes to start observing when and where your perfectionism starts taking over your mind.

Don't pass perfectionism onto your kids

Parents passing physical traits to their children is certainly an inevitable thing.  One can't really avoid that.  However passing character traits is something that can be controlled, especially if that trait is something like perfectionism.

I already know that my middle child who is 9 is a stemming flower waiting to bloom into a perfectionist.  She certainly got my genes on that one.  She is one to get mad if her books aren't lined up correctly, let alone in alphabetical order from tallest to shortest.  She's the type that will get mad if her little sister comes in and messes up her "perfect room."  Without knowing, I've somehow passed on those tendencies through my own expectations and behaviors.  Either way, there's no sense blaming myself, but rather, realize the problem and get it corrected.

What I've learned is that even at that this young age, I CAN help my child deal with perfectionism, letting her know that while it's wonderful to begin with this grand vision, it's also ok if the end result is different than the original plan. I've also been real honest with her, telling her that I'm dealing with the same types of thoughts and letting her know that it's something I'm trying to overcome. 

Part of my healing with my own perfectionism, is seeing what direct effect it is playing on my children.  And let me tell you, it's certainly kicking me in the butt, and jump starting what was before just a semi-active movement into a "hurry up and get over this thing."  Some advice today- don't pass perfectionism onto your kids. It's bad enough to have one perfectionist in the family, let alone any more.