That moment you realize...

It's tough being a parent, I will be the first to admit.  But I also know it's just as tough being a kid. Today I was going through my 6th grader's backpack and found his empty wallet.  His wallet that once contained over $25 in cash and also a $25 gift card he got as a birthday present...completely empty.  I confronted my son and asked him what happened and why his wallet was empty and where everything went.  He confessed to me that he was bringing his wallet to school to buy stuff; pencils, small toys, supplies etc, from other kids.  Someone got wind of him having money at school and forced him to also give up his gift card.  Sad story, I know.  It's just one of those stories that kindof eats away at you, leaving you heart broken for a poor 6th grader who doesn't know better.

But the point of my story is this.  I think so many times as a perfectionist mom, I try to do the right thing, say the right thing, counsel the right away, and certainly discipline the right way.  But reality of this all is, is that life is not perfect.  I'm not always going to say the right thing or have things go the right way.  I'm not going to be perfect, and certainly, my son is not going to be perfect either.  Things are going to happen, mistakes are going to be made. 

But today, is the moment when my son texted me this morning, telling me he wanted to go home.  Go home because he felt guilty, go home because he was sad at what had happened, and go home because of how afraid he was that I was going to be mad.  It was that moment that I realized, nothing perfect was going to come out of this, so my mother instincts just came through. The best I can do is just be the best mom I can be today.   "Life is about learning, It's about making mistakes. Life is a learning game and we just have to move on and learn from it. Everything is going to be ok, and I'm not made at you. I love you. I'm just glad you are ok. It's all going to be ok."  That is what I texted back.

Life is definitely not perfect. That moment you realize that, and just allow yourself to accept the fact that mistakes are going to happen, is the moment we learn from it and just move on.

Learn to recognize perfectionism

I've talked about this before, but one of the first steps in overcoming perfectionism is to recognize those behaviors of perfectionism.  I think so many times we either mis-diagnose ourselves, or don't really understand all of the behaviors of perfectionism.  A lot of times these behaviors can be:

• overcompensating for errors
• over rehearsing for speeches, presentations
• excessive checking of work
• excessive reassuring of themselves
• excessive organizing
• failure to delegate

If you can say yes or check off any on this list, you can then begin to recognize the behavior patterns of perfectionism.  The reason it's so important to first recognize that is to be able to identify what it is you need to work on.  If you can relate to anything on that list then you can begin to correct it.

For instance I have a great need for organization.  I have list upon list, and if organization is not part of my daily life, I freak out.  Its gotten so bad that even my high standard I have set for myself with organization is so high, that it's impossible to even attain.  Recognizing that this is definitely an issue and inhibiting my life, I can then take action to correct that behavior. In areas of my life, I'm actually trying really hard not to be organized. It's not necessarily about changing the perfectionism as it is as changing the behavior.  I have to change my theory of this excessive need of control and once I can realize the unrealistic standard, then I can counter-correct my behavior and this need.  Its definitely not easy countering this behavior, but its one step in the right direction.