Observing your perfectionism

An easy step you can take to overcome perfectionism is to observe yourself and recognize when your mind is desiring to do something perfect. I've noticed this takes a lot of patience with myself, but the key is to make a habit of noticing when it is that you feel most stressed out during the day due to perfectionism.

Once you recognize these thoughts and really observe what's going on during these moments, you can really get a grasp on what's triggering your perfection.  Whether it be cleaning your house, making a meal, planning a party or perhaps closing a deal at work, all of these situations can be pretty stressful to the perfectionist.  But the key is to observe when it is that really gets you frustrated, and make note of it.  The more you observe yourself and get a grip on when these moments occur, the more you learn.  You'll begin to see patterns and then you can take action on them. The point is, once you notice these patterns you can then start to control them and break free from them.

My advice is that you start writing down these moments.  Keep a journal.  Do whatever it takes to start observing when and where your perfectionism starts taking over your mind.

I don't have to be everything

Being a mom is a difficult job.  I get it.  Being a woman is just as difficult. I'm starting to realize that perfectionism is really just the icing on the cake. In reality, I was trying to be everything to everybody, and somehow was throwing in a wrench and trying to be perfect at all of it.  I get that too.

I've been waking up at 630 lately to try to work out in the mornings. Today marks day 10 for me, and let me tell you, it has not been easy.  The reason I say that is, as a mom, as a woman, it's a difficult job to be everything.  I want to be a fit person, someone who is there for my children and active for them, then a mom, and make sure everybody is dressed and fed and out the door by 8:00, not forgetting being a woman, trying to get myself ready for work for the day and be somewhat presentable.  Then from 8 to 5, an employee, a contributor, a co-worker to my peers.  Then from 5 to 9, somehow be a mom again, feeding, homework, sports, bathing, cleaning, and everything else that happens in that small time frame.  On top of that somehow I have to be a wife, and appear sexy enough for my husband.  I get it.  When it reaches 9:30pm, I've had it.  I'm done. I'm tired.  

But life doesn't have to be me just being this passive recipient, going on the conveyor belt of life.  One thing we have to realize is that we are not in control.  We have influence, but not control. The key is to have a great well being about one self and lead with definition.  A definition of who your self worth is.  Whether it be you as mom leading your family, or you as a business leader leading your business. Realize this.  Life is going to happen.  How you interpret life, how you influence life is up to you and your choice.  For me, this life is going to happen.  So why waste another minute on trying to make it perfect.  It's difficult enough as is, no need to try to have it be some unrealistic goal due to perfectionism.  Whatever your story is, whatever your core belief, let go of trying to be everything to everybody, and just be you.

High Standards

The other day our family was doing some much needed "fall" cleaning.  We were cleaning our play room, the room of the unending pile of "this doesn't have a home so it's going downstairs in the playroom, pile."  All you parents know exactly what I'm talking about.  Things just sort of get placed shoved there.  Well as I was cleaning, I felt myself getting frustrated with the way the others were cleaning.  I was getting mad if they didn't clean exactly the way I wanted them to, or organize the books exactly the way I thought they should be organized.  I felt myself slipping into this perfectionist coma, the inevitable thought..."If they can't clean like I want them to, then I'll just do it myself." Keep in mind, my kids are 10, 8 and 6...and by now you are probably thinking I'm crazy.

I actually had to stop myself, breathe, breathe again and then take a step back.  Right there and then I wondered to myself if I was trying to control these high standards I had set for myself, and somehow expect the same thing of my poor kids and husband.  I realized something very important at that moment.  Wasn't it enough that my kids were actually helping out with something around the house?  Wasn't it enough that a room would actually be pleasing to the eye, all done in the framework of a team effort? Wasn't it enough that our family was spending some much needed quality time together?

I should be happy that my kids and husband were putting in the effort of cleaning.  And at that moment I was.  Any thoughts of "I can do this better or That's not where that goes or Those don't look good like that" all erased from my mind at that moment.  Now don't get me wrong, it's certainly ok to have high standards.  But when the high standards are trying to control others on what they do, then it's time to rethink those standards.

So today, let your husband help out with the diaper on the baby, even if he puts it on backwards.  Let the kids clean and feel proud of their accomplishment, even if the books are not completely organized.  And let those people in your life help out when they offer to help you, knowing that you can't do this alone.  Put your perfectionist ways of controlling other people's standards away and focus on other things in life.  Things like enjoying some family time, cleaning the playroom together.

Who cares what others think?

A lot of what perfection is, constitutes what others think about you.  But it goes even deeper, and it's how you perceive yourself, or even worse, how you think others perceive you.


I think this is such a profound statement.  For so many years, my productivity was being dictated by the fear of other's judgment.  Meaning, I was so worried about being judged by others, that I felt this fear of loosing everything.

My excellence was such a narrowly defined perfection, that even I couldn't achieve some of the standards I had set for myself.  This self destruction was a recipe for disaster.  All these things in my head, What if I'm not a perfect parent?  What if I loose control? What if my house is a disaster, and the inevitable happens, and I get company?  What if my body isn't perfectly toned? What if I don't get that job, what if I don't get that interview? What if I don't get that promotion?  All these questions, were me making this preconceived notion that everyone else in the world would judge me, if any one of these questions were not answered correctly. 

What I've realized is this:  Who cares what others think?  Create inside of you a pathway that allows for you to separate results from judgment.  A pathway that allows for you to strive for the results that are best for you, and only you.  Study to learn instead of getting a perfect score, eat and exercise for piece of mind and health, rather than just simple weight targets. Clean/organize to be tidy, not to impress. And lastly live to be happy.  Not perfect.

Imperfect Parent

Part of my struggle of being a parent is trying to keep it all together.  I am here to admit that I do not have it all together. I am not a perfect mom.

I know that I'm not alone in this journey of life, and I can bet that there are many of you out there that know this same thing.  But many of you need that reminder in life, just as I do sometimes as well.  Whether it be parenting, or work, or relationships, we do not have to live this life as desperate people. Desperate for trying to be all that we can, and the most perfect we can be.   I get it.  I lay awake sometimes, with a deep need to get it right.  Deep down I really want to do things right.  I want to be a good mom.  I want to be a good wife.  I want to have it all under control.

However that constant reminder that keeps hovering over my head is this. Nobody is perfect.  There is no perfect parent. No perfect child.  No matter how many books I read, or how many blogs I follow, I have to know that there is no one solution for getting things right.    So doing the right thing does not equal having to be perfect.  Doing life right does not mean perfection. 

I know that life is a big job. In fact, I've had the thought before of "If I'm not perfect than why try?"  But as soon as I get that thought in my mind that I am here to do everything by myself, I have to remind myself that I'm not alone.  I should not "lean not on my own understanding, but yet seek the Lord first."