Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Not so perfect vacation

I tend to over pack for vacations.

Ok, that's an understatement.  Basically, I try to figure out every situation that I'm going to possibly be in and prepare and plan (and pack) to make sure I avoid not being prepared. Camping is a signature thing of mine that I tend to overpack for.  I think as a perfectionist that is the one thing that bothers me the most, is the fear of not being prepared for something.

So when all said and done, my car is usually the one that looks like something from the Clampett Family from Beverly Hillbillies.
.Image result for clampetts car

However, this past weekend we decided to take the kids camping for only 1 night.  Because my husband knows me and because he knows we were only going for 1 night (and bringing the dog), he simply asked if we could not "plan" and "pack" like we usually do.  He said just grab a few things and go.

Funny, because that wasn't even part of my vocabulary, but I went with it.  The book I've been reading to overcome perfectionism talks about trying to take a "unplanned" vacation and see what happens.

When we got there, I certainly felt the repercussions of not being prepared. I had forgotten a slew of things including Ketchup for the hotdogs, Chocolate and Marshmallows for the s'mores, chairs that we could sit on while we ate, breakfast for the morning and whole bunch of other things.  So needless to say, it was a not so perfect camping trip.  However at that moment while we all "stood" in front of the campfire eating our plain hotdogs and buns, we all laughed and said, "definitely a trip to remember."

You know what, our "unplanned" trip ended up being a lot of fun and no, the world did not end because we had to eat hotdogs without ketchup, and graham crackers for breakfast.  It was just the 5 of us, enjoying nature and our family.  Some of the best memories I guess come from "unplanned" and not so perfect vacations.

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Time gets the best of me!

My, my, time has gotten the best of me!  It's been several months since I've posted (due mostly because of the overwhelming life of a select baseball season for my 12 year old son). It seems like one moment you are sitting down, planning your summer out and the next, it's August and you're trying to figure out where your summer went.  

This weekend, my family and I are unplugging a little bit and traveling 5 hours to the Niobrara River to do some much needed R&R before the crazy school starts on Monday.  Which brings me to my point of today's blog post.

I think so many times when we get in stressful situations and we are pulled in a million ways and all you can think about is how to safely clone yourself, we tend to be overly perfectionist in our ways. Or at least I do.  I want the first day of school to go by without a hitch, I want lunches and meals and getting to sports on time to be perfectly planned out and of course on top of that, be tip top for my job and be a loving wife, all done with one single hiccup.

And the reality of all of that is that really is only in a perfect world, but realizing that is a huge step.  It's realistically not all going to get done, the kids aren't going to have all brand new school clothes before school starts, their lunches aren't going to be perfectly packed, breakfast will be served for dinner at least one time before the month ends, and yes, there's going to be hiccups and obstacles to overcome at work and in your personal life.  I think so many times I did have that vision, but I'm really starting to realize that that was an unrealistic vision.  It's ok to not have everything go as planned.

Everyday is a series of ins and outs.  Learning how to breathe through all of them is the key.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

You don't have to be a perfect Mom- In honor of "Mother's Day"

First most, Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there and moms-to-be for this upcoming Mother's Day.  With this special holiday coming up, I wanted to take a moment and reflect on a common stigma I most often have in my mind.  I want to be a perfect mom.   But in all reality, I'm not a perfect mom, I don't have it all together and yes, I have flaws.  But I think so many times, I put so much pressure on myself to be all that I can be for my children, be perfect in their eyes.  If I'm perfect for them, then I'm in control. If I'm perfect for my husband and kids then there's no stress, no feeling like I'm screwing things up.  We all go through these emotions, but it has got to stop.  We are simply human, and can't do it all.

So instead of beating myself up, because I do have flaws, embrace being a mother and all that comes with it.  Yes, my life is going to be a chaotic mess sometimes, yes my house is going to be a disaster at times. But being a mother of three wonderful kids couldn't replace anything in the world, and I just have to embrace it.  Enjoy my time I do have.

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Failure to delegate

I think my mentality of "I can do it all" has influenced my tendency to mistrust that others can do things properly. With that mistrust, I sometimes fail to delegate even small tasks. I admit, I have trouble trusting others with a task unless I'm sure they can complete the task perfectly.

Take cleaning for example. I'd rather do it all and do it all by myself, then having others help, with fear that the house won't be cleaned to my standards. Even though my husband and children offer to help, in which they do, I feel this need to go back over things and make sure they were done correctly. This is a troublesome area in my life. I don't want to do it all. I don't have the time or mentality to clean my entire house by myself. I don't even enjoy doing the chores. But I am so reluctant to let others help in fear that these mundane tasks won't be done correctly to my standards. Why is this?

This is a huge area in my life where I'm having to figure out if this is a helpful or unhelpful standard that I have set for myself. This overly high standard is certainly not helpful and is getting in the way of me achieving my goals, living my life. I know that this is an area in which I have to think differently on this issue. There are too many benefits that would come if I could just relax or ignore this rule, this failure to delegate. What would it take for me to start delegating and trust others with tasks?

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Don't try to read the minds of others

The other day we were sitting down at the dinner table eating when I found myself trying to read the minds of my family members.  Their silence was eating away at me and surely if they had liked the meal that I had just prepared, I thought for sure I would have heard positive comments by now. I indirectly tied their silence to some sort of failure of mine.  Their silence meant that I had failed.

This was not actually the case and they ended up loving it.  Their silence was just a mere moment of them enjoying their food (and not talking).

I think so many times, perfectionists try to read the minds of others. They almost in a way expect too much of others.  They associate other people's actions with themselves.  Perfectionist sometimes tend to think that other people's actions have something to do with themselves, or even their failures. This mind reading involves the perfectionist assuming that they know what other people are thinking.

I think realizing these relationships and really trying to stop this has helped me identify areas in which I need to work on.  I don't need to try to read the minds of others, I just need to concentrate on being the best I can be and not worry so much about what other people are thinking.