How much time do you spend planning?

As a perfectionist, I tend to spend a lot of time planning the inevitable, making sure that I'm ready for anything that comes my way. Prepared for every situation.  My husband jokes with me that my car has everything and anything I would ever need for every situation.  And that's just how I like it.  Jackets in case it gets cold. Umbrellas in case it rains. Sunscreen for hot days. Blankets, extra clothes, probably a water bottle or two, sweatshirts and the list goes on.

But as I look at this I wonder if it's my excessive attention to detail, or if I'm really spending too much time planning for every possible situation. I wonder if I spend too much time living in the future, and not the present.

I'm learning that this feeling of "control" is just an illusion. I can't really control what happens to me in the future, but I can learn how to deal with this in a positive manner.

If you're like me and find yourself planning the inevitable, I suggest you take a step back and figure out how much time you really are spending planning out every moment. It may just create some margin in your life that you have been looking for.

When is taking it personally too much?

As a perfectionist, I tend to take things pretty personally.  Every setback, criticism or small joke, tends to error on my personal side much more.  But when is it too much? When it starts affecting your life.

As I'm healing I'm really focusing on trying to be more resilient and not take things so personal.  I know that I've been guilty of taking things over the line.  As perfectionists, we tend to beat ourselves up, or take every mistake or misstep and turn it into "I'm not good enough."

Just the other day, I got really defensive when I was criticized for being too emotional.  And in reality, it's really about self image and developing it, and I need to let go of being that way.  I need to give up on trying to take control and defend myself from any threats and stop taking things personal.

Change

There are always choices

I have been working on reprogramming my ways, my thinking. 

And in order to reprogram my perfectionist ways, I have to reprogram my choices, my decisions, knowing that there are always other choices available. I can reflect on my messy house with only thinking of how I want to change it, correct it, clean it. Perfect it. Or I can make the choice to stop and accept that my house is the best way it can be at that given moment in time. It is as perfect as it’s going to get.

If I willingly know that there are other choices available, then I can understand that I don't only have one option. I have a choice. And choice involves two ways. I can choose one or the other.

I think so many times I felt as if my option was the only option available. That there were no choices available. I would take a situation (like my house) and think that the only available option is to clean it. When in reality like I said above, I have the choice to stop and accept that it is the best it will be at that moment.

Take time to realize that there are always choices. You can choose not to perfect a situation, and at any given moment, that situation is the best that it's going to get.

Not enough time to be perfect at everything

I tend to try to analyze my imperfections.  When it seems like I have analyzed one imperfection, paused, taken a moment to stop and reflect, the next imperfection is hitting me in the face.  What I mean by this is that I tend to analyze areas in my life where I'm not as perfect as can be, or things that I have done wrong, or areas where I've mistaken.  I analyze them, think about them and try to come up with ways on how to do better.

Just being good, is not good enough, I tell myself.  And so, I double my efforts, take care of myself less often, work harder, wake up earlier and try to do better. Analyzing imperfections is often my way of giving myself my own guilt trip, my own standard, my own understanding of what I did wrong.

But what ends up happening when I get in this vicious cycle, is just when I have one imperfection analyzed and thought out, the next imperfection comes skipping in.  In reality, I'm trying to be perfect at everything, and when I'm not, I consider that an imperfection.  And that's so wrong.  It's taken me a long time to comprehend this thought, but when we are not perfect, that does not by any means make us a failure....make an imperfection.  We don't have time to be perfect at everything. And we certainly don't have time to sit and analyze imperfections, trying every moment to make them better.  Like I said, it's taken me a long time to comprehend this thought, but it is a key revolution if you can train your mind to think about that. It will be a key point in your healing.