Change is inevitably a part of life. When we realize that change is not something to be feared, but rather an opportunity, we can start to let go of the fear of change. I look back at my life even 10 years ago, and I was certainly a different person that I am today. However it was change that forced me to grow, change that forced me to become a better person than I was. At the age of 30, I was faced with a divorce from my husband who was cheating on me, 3 young kids to care for on my own, a house I couldn't afford, and a budget that was less than permissible for a family of 4. At my lowest point, I was down on my knees, praying to God for a change. It was that door that God opened that ended up changing my life.
Looking back, I know that that point was also a major inflation point for my perfectionism. Being a single mom, having to now care for, and feed my children all by myself was this huge underlying task. I didn't have anyone to help, to take over, to let me let go. I had to do it all. All by myself. And that's when it really started. Sub-consciously, my brain was telling my body to do everything and do it perfectly. Maybe if I was perfect, I wouldn't fail. Maybe if I was perfect, I could be a perfect mom to my kids. Maybe if I was perfect, I wouldn't be in this situation. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks.
Oh my gosh. I was spending all this time trying to be perfect, and all I had to really do, is realize that none of that was true. My divorce, my situation, my thinking that I wasn't a good mother; that had nothing to do with me not being perfect. It was about God creating change for me, so I could inevitably be who I was destined to be. He was simply closing that door, and opening another. In that current situation, I couldn't be all that he had planned for me. And look at me now. I am a changed person. I am blessed with the most beautiful and amazing life ever. I am blessed with knowing that I have to change my ways, and stop this perfection. Change Happens. Embrace it.
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